The Reluctant Scholar

I had always been a reluctant scholar.  Even that first day in Kindergarten is still clearly etched in my mind.  Our teacher, Mrs. Kennedy, a kindly, grandmotherly figure talked soothingly to me as she tried unsuccessfully to pry my grip from my mother's skirt.  Little did I know that this day was to be the beginning of a long and undistinguished academic career which would eventually lead me to the droning voice of Mr. Cox our senior class guidance counselor.  But, I am ahead of the story.

I grew up in a small New England town called Greenfield which lies nestled between the Connecticut River and the Berkshire Mountains of Western Massachusetts.  Greenfield in the 1940's, 50's, and early 60's exemplified the values illustrated in a Norman Rockwell painting of small town America.  Some of my earliest memories are of going to parades with marching bands and antique automobiles, Fourth of July picnics and the fireworks which followed, and a Native American we called "Warhorse" who gave us chips off the huge chunks of ice he carried on his back when refrigerators were still ice boxes.

By the time I entered elementary school my father was teaching me to hunt and fish.  We spent hours playing catch and he taught me how to hit a baseball.  At seven I was ready for Little League.  Although I could hit quite well I couldn't field with a bushel basket and quickly became the team's catcher. 

My high school years passed all too quickly.  I was a jock for all seasons: football, baseball, basketball, tennis and golf.  If a game had a ball in it - I played it.  High school was a combination of extra curricular activities and sports.  Unfortunately, it was my lack of interest in academics which had led me to Mr. Cox's office.

Mr. Cox droned on finally ending our meeting with the fateful words, you were always a reluctant scholar.  Look at your SAT scores.  No college will accept you.  Maybe you can work in a gas station or join the Army.  You are not smart enough to go to college.

Mr. Cox was right.  Well, almost right.  I was admitted to the University of Tampa on probation and spent the next nine years being a reluctant scholar at three different colleges in Florida before earning my B.A. in social science at the University of Baltimore.

To my surprise graduate school became redemption for the reluctant scholar.  I approached my courses with the same intensity that I had invested in athletics.  I found that far from being the reluctant scholar I enjoyed a good argument in the Greek sense and that somewhere along the way I had developed a facility with language, research, and writing that others had not.

I also discovered that my shotgun approach of taking classes scattered among many disciplines in undergraduate school was not a sign of being unfocused but rather of being truly interested in many different fields.  Additionally, this interest paid off in my ability to approach problems from an interdisciplinary perspective.   This allowed me to link seemingly unrelated aspects of one field to the issues of another resulting in a more comprehensive assessment of strategies applied to problem solving.

My interests have always been eclectic including education, criminal justice, linguistics, philosophy and theology.  Consequently my undergraduate degree from the University of Baltimore is in Social Science and I hold an M.Ed. from Coppin State College in Correctional Education/Counseling, a C.A.S.E from the Johns Hopkins University in Psycholinguistics, an M.A. in Theology/Ethics from St. Mary’s Seminary, an M.Div. in Theology from Sophia Divinity School and a D.D. in Theology from Sophia Divinity School.

The reluctant scholar has come full circle.  I have been a teacher in elementary school, middle school, and high school.  I was also a professor and curriculum co-coordinator at Baltimore City Community College.  My book, Jesus in the Gospels: Man, Myth or God was published by University Press of America .

I am on the administrative team of Sophia Divinity School and am an academic mentor to seminarians.

Spiritual Path

Among my earliest memories is going to church with my parents.  According to the catechism it was our "bounden duty" to attend church every Sunday.  To my mother this was not a suggestion but a mandate from God.  So, we attended St. James Episcopal Church every Sunday unless we couldn't get our head off the pillow.

But my parents weren't just "Sunday Christians."  My love of incense was nurtured by three hour long Good Friday services and by early elementary school I knew the "Seven Last Words" as well as my own name.  My  mother was active in the Women's Circle and my father was a canvasser for the Every Member Canvas.  Before we went on vacation we first made a visit to the St. James Chapel for a family Mass and blessing.

As soon as I was old enough I joined the Children’s Choir and became an acolyte.  As an acolyte I was a candle bearer, server, thurifer, and crucifer.  My senior year in high school I was given the honor of Master Acolyte which meant I trained and supervised the boys who were just becoming acolytes. During elementary and junior high school I played the roles of angel, shepherd, Magi, and Joseph in the Epiphany play.  I was a member of the junior- senior high school Episcopal Youth Fellowship and was elected president in my senior year.

During my freshman year at the University of Tampa I was elected Vice President of the Canterbury Association and its representative to the college's Religious Council.  Our chaplain encouraged me to apply for the National Council of Churches summer work-study program in Ghana, West Africa.  Much to my surprise I was accepted as a participant.

That summer had a profound effect on my spiritual development.  The first week was an orientation in New York City.  One of our group had a friend who invited the three of us to go to Harlem one night.  When we arrived I discovered we were at a mosque.  After being frisked and removing our shoes we were escorted to our seats.  By the time I realized I was the only white person in the room a man slightly older than me took the podium and began to speak.

I was shocked!  For the next hour and a half I was more than uncomfortable as he preached about slavery, slave names, White Devils, “Negro” empowerment, and the demand that the United States cede three Southern states to “Negroes” as reparation for slavery, segregation and all the injustices suffered by his people.  However, perhaps the most shocking declaration was that Christianity was the white man’s religion imposed on “Negroes” to keep them in their place.  In it place he preached that Islam was the one true religion of liberation that would meet all the spiritual as well as temporal needs of “Negroes.”

After the crowd left the three of us were brought to a back room to meet this man.  I learned that his name was Malcolm X.  When he looked at me I felt that he could see to the very depths of my soul.  For the next half hour he spoke of many things and answered all of our questions.  By the time we left I knew I had been in the presence of a man truly touched by God.

I wasn't aware of it at the time but my freshman year in college had been the beginning of a ten year on-again off-again quest to obtain my bachelors degree.  Although I remained active in the Episcopal Church my thought of becoming a priest was pushed aside by poor grades, work, marriage, and relocation. 

Within a year of earning my bachelors degree I had earned my first graduate degree and was appointed to the faculty of Baltimore City Community College.  I enjoyed teaching but soon became restless.  My mind kept returning to thoughts of the priesthood. 

I approached the bishop, went through the evaluation process, was accepted as a Postulant, and applied to General Theological Seminary.  After a visit to GTS over Christmas vacation I was accepted but the bishop told me he could only offer financial assistance if I went to Virginia Theological Seminary.  As my  belief system was Anglo-Catholic I did not feel I could attend a Protestant Episcopal seminary and declined the bishop's offer.  He told me the door would always be open.

Two years later there was a new bishop.  He sent me for an updated psychological evaluation and agreed to send me to General Theological Seminary.  I resigned my faculty position and put my house on the market.  Shortly thereafter I received a letter from the bishop stating that he had withdrawn his support.  No reason was given.  The letter said I could go to seminary but their was no guarantee of ordination when I returned. 

When the bishop finally agreed to meet with me he told me the reason he had withdrawn his support was that I had told the psychologist that I had been in an adversarial relationship with my mother since I was seven years old and he could not have a priest who did not love his mother.  I told him the issue had nothing to do with my not loving her.  The fact is that there could not be two more mismatched people more antagonistic to one another than my mother and I.  Was he saying that I was to be denied priesthood for being honest?  His response was yes.

I was bitter and angry.  I felt the bishop was being unfair.  Although my wife was willing to go New York I was not. 

I was devastated and felt betrayed by the church I loved so dearly.  In my heart I  knew God had called me and continued to call me to the priesthood.  My feelings of anger and betrayal were so great I stopped going to church for several years.

During the late 1970's my wife was a member of a music group in a Roman Catholic Church.  I volunteered to play guitar and a couple of years later my wife decided she wanted to join the Roman Catholic Church.  With no hope of becoming a priest in the Episcopal Church I joined her.

I spent the next 25 years as a practicing Roman Catholic performing in several different churches.  My interest in theology soon returned and I attended St. Mary's Roman Catholic Seminary as a day student in the School of Theology through St. Mary's Ecumenical Institute where I earned a graduate degree in ethics. 

My experience at St. Mary's again confirmed to me that God had called me to be a priest.  But how could this be?  I was settled in the Roman Catholic Church, married and had children.  I investigated the Permanent Deaconate but discerned it was not for me.  No matter how hard I tried I could not put priesthood out of my mind.  In my soul I know God was still calling me to the priesthood.

I had always enjoyed writing and in 1995 decided I would put my seminary years to benefit by writing a book.  However, to be credible I knew I needed a doctorate.  The closest school which offered a doctorate in theology was Catholic University of America.  It was an hour's drive away and with young children I did not feel I could make a three to four year commitment taking time away from my family.

So, I began to search the Internet for a seminary where I could earn a doctorate by distance learning.  I soon discovered there were many but they were all Evangelical. Then one night my wife called me to her computer.  On the web site was the question, Do you want to become a Catholic priest?  She had found the web site for the Catholic Apostolic Church of Antioch - Malabar Rite.  The page had a link to Sophia Divinity School which is the seminary of the Church of Antioch.  Much to my surprise the seminary offered a Doctor of Divinity Degree by distance learning.

I have been a priest for four years.  I look back over my life at the roadblocks which prevented me from becoming a priest in the Episcopal Church as well as my years in the Roman Catholic Church as a blessing.  I didn't understand it at the time but all of my frustrations and disappointments were God's crucible for tempering and preparing me for priesthood.  He had a plan for me and it was to lead me to where he wanted me to be: a priest in the Church of Antioch.